Rakish I am

Burrr...You know I've always wanted a horse blanket that looked like one of those navy pea coats. How dashing would I be in that? Add a rakish hat of some sort and I'd be ready for a jaunt in the Hamptons.

Dieting and am on 1st cut hay and reduced rations... It is definitely not my high calorie sumptuous stuff I've been eating all winter. {BLECH} I look mournfully at human but to no avail except there's an odd snickering at my butt.

{Snickering?}

Standing on tippy toes to see my reflection...does my butt really look square?

{CRUNCH} {CRUNCH} {CRUNCH} Hmmm, Willow trees make wonderful snacks!

Human: {SHAKING FIST WITH RAKE IN HAND AND RUNNING AFTER HORSE} Nooooo! Not the Willow!

Rejuvenated by way of Willow tree bark and cantering away merrily!

Dieting...I feel like my cheeks are sunken in from lack of food. I'm on my knees crawling to the next sprig of hay sticking out of a bleak landscape of no food...

The Other visits the barn and I hear a resounding "Shaddap you!" from inside the barn as my parched lips grasp the last piece of hay for miles.

Human says: Oh for God's sake. Quit the Lawrence of Arabia desert scene crap. I put a bale of hay out this morning for two horses

SECRET HORSE HAND BOOK, 12, 2.0

Secret Horse Handbook, Section 12, Chapter 2.0: How to get your human to give you treats even when dieting? Stand in stall and reach out as far as your neck will allow. Follow every movement of your human. Upon whence the feed door opens, stretch further and wiggle lips left and right. Look at human brightly! Human is for sure to relinquish a single horse treat. Rinse and repeat for a second horse treat.

Secret Horse Handbook, Section 12, Chapter 3.0: If no treats are forthcoming, add deep throaty nicker and press eyelids shut, hold closed for a count of 2 seconds, open and look brightly at human. If this does not work, get another human.

You know what makes me a little nervous? My human a-clinkin' and a-clankin' around the truck and horse trailer. Makes me think we're going on a dreaded trail ride.

Human says: Relax! Just doing a little truck repair myself.

I say: Uh-oh! Shouldn't you leave that to the professionals?

Human says: Don't worry! I have the Chevy manual right here? {CLUNK} Uh-oh...

Sometimes the sound of a human ruining her truck is a good thing for a horse...Back to {MUNCH, MUNCH, MUNCH} Life is good.

Just a little consternation about the hay these days...this low-cal stuff stinks!

However, close one eye, cock head at an angle and leer with other eye at bag of horse treats.